I Vomit This Blog From My Soul

SAP here…

So the Clash of the Titans new trailer looks like a made for TV Sci-Fi channel movie. They spent $70,000,000 on it. Looks like it cost about $100,000.

Now you’d think I would be mad at Hollywood for raping itself and remaking/re-imagining all the movies it already owns for what is clearly motivated purely by profit. It’s the same reason I can’t fucking stand P Diddy. His “Every Breath You Take” was a hit… no shit. It was already a hit. Made by the Police. It’s a no brainer to churn out a different version of the same shit and have it be successful. I wouldn’t mind it so much if the studios and the P Diddys of the world would put a little effort into it to at least look like they were trying to make something good. But they don’t, and the CGI in the new Clash of the Titans trailer is screaming proof of this.

I am not mad at the studios. I AM, however, fucking pissed off at the movie going public for continually paying to see this crap. Everyone knows the Charlie’s Angels movies suck ass. But people still paid to see them. Everyone knew the re-imagining of Friday the 13th was gonna suck a turd in hell, and it did, and people still paid to see it. And I know that the masses will once again rise up and pay their ever rising ticket price to see the new Clash of the Titans.And it WILL suck.

There is something magical about the original COTT. Maybe it’s the chick-like hotness of Harry Hamlin, or Sir Lawrence Olivier slumming it in a 1981 B-movie, or the hope of seeing a glimpse of a Cassiopeioa titty. YES, Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion animation is 90% of the ooh in the COTT’s ooh lah lah.

The thing is, creating the world in the 1981 Clash of the Titans took effort. The Kracken was the most badass thing I had ever seen, regardless of whether or not I knew it was only 2 foot high in real life. The thing is… it EXISTED in real life. The CGI has gone crazy lazy and the COTT new-redo-poopoo is a big crappy testament to this. The Kracken is a ripoff of the one in the Pirates of the Carribean movie. Already no surprise there. Just a way to market it better. If they like the Kracken in Pirates let’s put it in COTT to get those people’s butt’s back in the seats.

Pirates of the Kracken-ribbean

The New Kracked out Kracken - Familiar mouth

The New Kracked out Kracken

Why does Hollywood continue to churn out shit they already own? Yes, part of the reason is because they already own it. They don’t need to pay for anything new. But the only reason that matters, the main reason, is because people keep paying to see the shit.

If you are one of the movie goers who continually shells out 10 bucks a pop to see remakes/re-imaginings of Hollywood classics then HURRY NOW! Send me 10 bucks and I will send you a video of the dump I took last night. It’s pretty much the same as the dump I took the night before and the night before that so you better ACT NOW!

Shame on you, you movie goer. Demand better movies by refusing to pay for the shitty ones.

FYI – Ponce can’t wait to see the new COTT. He has a hard on for crappy movies. But he’s learned to wait till they hit cable.

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Why We are doing Win a Date With Ponceman

SAP here…

It’s true! YOU, if you are the right fit for Ponce, can win a date with him, he, the one, the man, the Ponceman.

So why are we doing this online, win a date, with a guy that is totally awesome? The simple answer is… Ponce has Down Syndrome and meeting chicks who are down with the Downs is not an easy task.

Sure, we could get a professional, a prostitute, a hooker if you will. But I’m an old fashioned guy in the opposite sense of most old fashioned guys. I would rather pimp my bro out to try and find a needle in a haystack female that might be out there who is really into Ponce than find a pimp and have him lose his sweet virgin cherry to someone who you could park a Tonka truck in.

Ponce really does want romance, love, a girlfriend. He also wants to lose his virginity and those two sides don’t always get along. Sometimes he’s like, “Let’s go to Vegas. This virginity’s killin’ me, bro!” Other times are more, “I wanna go on a real date and hold hands and makeout.” Another angle to the dilemma here is… if we go the professional route there will be no making out. No other “specialized” activities Ponce is dying to try. Because it’s not a smart decision health-wise, and otherwise it’s just plain gross.So, the real date route would actually give him what he really wants more than just sex… makeout embrace romance.

Honestly, I think Ponce would be happy to just roll around naked with a girl and laugh and kiss and just giggle about the fact that they were naked. He has the sweetest heart on the planet. I haven’t run into ALL of them, but I would bet the existence of mankind that in a face-off with all the hearts on the planet Ponce would definitely be in the top 3 sweetest.

So, of course, big brother wants his little bro to be happy, to get everything his heart desires, and to always be happy. When sex enters a humans life path, all those things get screwed up. Yes, I have had a lot of sour experiences with the opposite sex. Yes, I am very jaded and lean towards the non-optimistic side of things when it comes to romantic entanglements. You’d think that would make biting the hooker bullet a lot easier. It actually has the opposite effect on me. Maybe it’s my own way of keeping the hopeless romantic that used to live inside me alive. The standard living vicariously through someone else ploy. Whatever the reason, Ponce still has innocence, romance, and love coursing through his veins. So, That’s why I want to do everything I can to help him find someone outside the “lady of the night” realm and more like the “cute girl you meet in a library” realm.

YouTube, is NOT a library. There are a ton of nasty little pricks and just plain mean people out there who hide behind anonymous comments filled with the sour devil-pus feelings they have for themselves. But there are also an overwhelming amount of cool, everyday, girl you do meet in a library kind of people on YouTube as well. And they do outnumber the nasties 10 to 1.

So, if you know someone you think would like a nice dinner and a movie with the Ponceman, or you just want to show your support, please make us a video, leave us a comment, let us know you’re out there and you got our backs.

Email us links to your video or just share your thoughts at info@ponceman.com
Rate and Comment on our video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppFjTRZozSU

“Hey Bro” hits YouTube

It’s the show they wouldn’t let you see. Who’s they? The man, the devil, the ones that protect their investment by keeping smart, daring, controversial humor off the TV and substitute it with the dumb, safe stuff. Who loses. Everybody.

TV networks have been bitching a lot lately that they just can’t get the ratings they did in the 80s and 90s because there are too many other distractions out there on the internet. Well, we say it’s because they mostly show crap! The Politically Correct world has made things suck ass for our entertainment world.

So, to keep themselves safe, they don’t air anything a consumer might be offended by, like “Hey Bro”. Even though Ponce is always the hero, always in control, and… honestly… if anyone can watch these shows and actually think Ponce is unaware of what he is doing, then the anyone in question is the one with the learning disability.

That said, we give you episode one of “Hey Bro”… Am I a Jew?

Our non-U.S. viewers can’t see some of our videos.

Ever feel like the whole internet world is against you... outside the U.S.

Hey guys, for all our non-U.S.A. youtubers, can you guys please check the links to the videos below and message us back to let us know if you can watch them or not. We have had this issue for the past week and some of our favorite videos are not able to play outside the U.S. Youtube says they are working on it but so far we are stillgetting messages saying they can’t be viewed.

Just twitter or email us with where you are and whether or not you can view the videos below.

Twitter @ponceman
Email info@ponceman.com

Thanks, SAP & Ponce

Unforgivable – Ponceman Style: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f3CnCJyRVs

Funky Christmas Song Ho Ho Ho: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-yiShig87k

Have A Sexy Ponceman Xmas – Pop Up Edition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvoQgHEwQU

Follicles – A body hair love song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrpxOsR1gqY

Perry-Normal Activity (Paranormal Activity Spoofage): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiALgRxKvbg

HOMOPHOBE!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqr8pId987E

A Parkour Odyssey – Follow the Leader: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2omXBcm3FU

Inglouriousouser Bastards – Inglourious Basterds spoof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJqI9bv0C7I

The Neighborhood – Puddin’ Wrestlin’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DImMZTIhgbw

Perez (Perryz) Hilton VS Will.I.Am – Attacked in Toronto too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIjTD8Rwtdo

Happy Father’s Day – Perry Brother’s Style: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6_Sb1HVV6c

Coach Crusher: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PufWQ7UX78c

Easter Dinner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfU5UF42Ei4

Knock Knock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNw0dDi_R4E

Sugar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8fFWdkVIjk

Jizz in my Pants Parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDf22T_-44Y

The End – Part 7: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cymkl5tfDE8

Paris Hilton – Part 6: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p6iMYU0MFA

Wunderkammer – Part 5: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUKYUXfI2Bg

Kardashian Sandwich – Part 4: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp8oxTjm_og

Cab 29 – Part 3: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jebyd8nJvO4

Getting There – Part 2: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xy4l5hDvd4

The Phone Call – Part 1: Ponce Goes To Sundance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y2SPG3ypII

SAPPY BIRTHDAY

SAP here…

It is my birthday and i am super duper happy that I have such a sweet family and group of friends who actually make me feel happy I was birthed. Too much crap in this world has the opposite affect.Ponce actually made his blog a mini-celebration of the day and I couldn’t be prouder of the little stud.

Something you should know about Ponce. Last year he decided to throw me a surprise birthday party. Ponce puts new meaning into the word surprise. The guests were all surprised too. Basically, he got a few friends to help him organize it. Thing is, nobody knew there were others helping so 3 different entities were trying to set up the same thing. Ponce, trying to please everyone, said yes to every idea. The night went something like this…

6PM. Our friend Pedro shows up at our apartment. He’s not what you’d call a regular at our place and he looked shell shocked when he saw he was the only one at our place. I knew something was up then. He could only stay about 30 minutes. Next, I had to leave to go do something for Ponce. He just wanted me out of the house for a little bit. When I returned… no surprise party. We went to a cafe, Alcove. There was a handful of our friends there to surprise us. Then Ponce gets a call. Some other people had shown up at our Apartment but nobody was there to let them in. A third group of friends called from yet another location. It was the perfect storm of 3 different plans all colliding in, what I have to say, was one of the best, most memorable, and definitely surprising to EVERYONE involved, birthday parties of my life.

Thank you bro. And thanks for the birthday wishes. Enjoy Ponce Vlog #4 SAPPY Birthday

Ponceman and Kassem G together at last

So, we, the Perry Brothers, Ponce and SAP, love to act. This is no secret. TV, Movies, Stage… whatever. We also have our YouTube channel and really like to act with other YouTubers that we dig. One such YouTuber is KassemG. He’s funny, Non-PC, and has a smaller penis than Ponce. These are all good things in our book.

Kassem’s Awkward Moments series makes us laugh and Ponce jumped at the chance to be in one. We put up our own little behind the scenes look at the video. We hope you guys dig watching these videos as much as we dug making them.

Enjoy!

Awkward Moments – The Taxes

Behind the Scenes with Ponce and KassemG