Thoughts on the Hand-Face Douche

Ponce here…

I just wanna say the hand-face guy was a real asshole and he kinda freaked me out a little. I didn’t understand what was going on and he kept asking me “Is that your brother? Is that your brother?” and he was really weird. I’m okay and he didn’t ruin my birthday but it was really weird while he was there. I don’t understand sometimes when people act like that but bro takes care of me and he’s got my back and I got his back. Bros before Hos and we take care of each other so to the people out there, rock on and peace out.

– Ponce

SAP here…

For those who don’t know, some guy injected himself into our lives on Ponce’s birthday and it was one of the more annoying interactions we’ve had with a stranger stepping in to… well, that’s just it. None of us who were there actually know what he was really trying to do.

I’ll just go bounce a few thoughts off of this comment DontEatTheFish73 made on the video.

DontEatTheFish73 i hate to defend this guy, but i can kind of see his concern. down syndrome is a disability which has a different severity for each individual, so not knowing who ponce is and how it affects him, i think this guy was just expressing concern because he didn’t want to see ponce harassed for it. granted this guy probably took it too far, and wasn’t very intelligent about it, i think his intentions were good. he definitely could have handled it better and minded his own business though.

I gotta say, with all the conviction in my heart, that I wish I could understand where Hand-Face was coming from. I tried to edit it so you could see the build up, but there was no buildup. It was me and Ponce being filmed by Windsock looking at all his birthday gifts and reflecting on his surprise party. Then the guy jumps into our world with a very nasty “STOP IT!” directed at me. I CAN understand TRYING to understand this guys motivation here. But when I go over the night and the way he was, the way he kept asking Ponce if I was his brother, the only answer I have is this was a sad, pathetic person who wants to feel good about himself. The comment above states “down syndrome is a disability which has a different severity for each individual…” and this is true. Just like there are different levels of assholes in the world. I think Hand-face is not one of the extreme asshole types, but rather that secret asshole… the one that would fuck your girlfriend if she was passed out drunk and then blame it on the booze if someone found out about it. Like, “We were both drunk… it just happened,” when the full reality of the situation is that the secret asshole may have been drunk but he still had sex with someone who was passed out.” That’s the kinda guy I think the real face behind the hand-face is.

That said, I move on to this part of the above comment, “not knowing who ponce is and how it (Down Syndrome) affects him, i think this guy was just expressing concern because he didn’t want to see ponce harassed for it…” Again, I gotta go with a sad, pathetic person angle here. If he paid attention to anything that Ponce and I were talking about, if he had bothered to LISTEN to what we were discussing, any concern he had would have been quelled. We were talking about how cool his gifts were. Talking about his signed autograph from his favorite actor John Travolta. We were hugging, pounding fists, showing affection when HF decided to step in and shout “STOP IT!” to a total stranger. Explain to me how someone who is concerned for a person who has Down Syndrome, someone who mentors people with Downs as he claimed, deals with his concern by yelling this way, totally freaking out the guy he is supposedly concerned about. He had NO REASON to be concerned. When I confronted him face to hand-face he couldn’t give me one reason why he was concerned. He couldn’t explain what the “it” was in his “Stop it!” demand. And honestly, his later saying his reason was because I was “making fun of him… (awkward pause)… or SOMETHING” kinda says it all. The guy was just throwing shit out there to see what stuck.

He was talking to two girls and most likely trying to look like a hero to them by stepping in to save the poor defenseless guy with Downs from the terrible guy standing next to him. You know, the guy who was just hugging the poor little Downs guy, the guy that was exchanging phrases like “How cool is that gift,” and “Love my bro” back and forth with him. Notice that hand-face had NO friends with him and he left alone.

I am not in any way upset about the above comment from DontEatTheFish73. In fact, It helps make the point I want to make. Discussion is the way we learn, the way we discover new ideas and understand things in this life better. This guy had ZERO interest in discussing anything. He didn’t even have a point. Not one single point. And when the word “RETARDED” came up he used it as an excuse to get out of there as fast as he could. He came back because I called him out on this. He immediately fled again when he realized he had nothing to add, nothing to defend his non existent point with other than falling back on the base “You People” angle… his offense at a word that wasn’t even used in the context he chose to react to.

I asked him “Have you seen Retarded Policeman?” and his response was to… pause, realize there is something here he can latch onto that is familiar to him like taking the blanket view that a word has only one meaning and then saying “Retarded, you’re calling it retarded!?!” then walking away, flipping me off and telling me to fuck off. Let’s just look at his words for a second…

“Retarded, you’re calling it retarded!?!”

What is “it” exactly? Calling “it” retarded. If he is referring to Ponce here, he’s a dickhead. If he is saying I am saying that Retarded means Down Syndrome he’s way off base. I asked if he had seen “Retarded Policeman.” At this point he either knows or doesn’t know what I am talking about. If he knows the series, then his phrase “calling it retarded” doesn’t stand up because it IS called the Retarded Policeman. If he has not seen the series, he has no idea what I am talking about. Am I talking about an actual policeman? A movie? A book? A painting? He never asked one question about what the Retarded Policeman was in reference to. He just played the take offense card and ran away. It was the only thing he had left.

And that’s all I have left on this issue. For now.

I want to thank DontEatTheFish73 for trying to understand where the hand-face was coming from and voicing his thoughts. It helped me to voice mine. I wish more people would talk about things, especially things that make them uncomfortable, so we could all figure out a way to move past them… If we did that, I think we would all get along better with everyone we meet.

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5 thoughts on “Thoughts on the Hand-Face Douche

  1. okay, that dude was a super douche. That said, I’m a parent who’s not where you guys are with the “retarded” thing… i’m getting there, but i’m not there yet. So while hand-douche’s reaction was way over the top, if he didn’t know about retarded policeman, i kind of get why he freaked. that said, saying “fuck you” and walking away is no way to deal with that at all.

  2. tolwyn says:

    Well, remember.
    If he was intoxicated too, his heart was likely in the right place, but his head wasn’t. Take comfort that in his own way, as misguided as it was, he was trying to be protective as well; he just has a different paradigm.

  3. I think you guys have one of the BEST sibling relationships I’ve EVER seen. I’m honored to know the two of you. I think it’s amazing how you confront people who do interject their own opinions on your lives without hesitation. I also hope people will stop expressing any kind of disrespect to you. SAP, I know you would do anything for Ponce and protect him from assholes like that.
    I hope this guy sees the video somehow and realizes how much of a dick he was. That even though he was drunk and “had his heart in the right place” (that is what we’re assuming?) he shouldn’t even have an opinion on other people’s interactions with one another until he understands fully what is taking place. And I do think that’s a lesson EVERYONE should learn. It would be like him stepping into a domestic dispute and knocking out the guy that’s trying to defend himself from a drunk girlfriend. I also think no one should ever open their mouth just for the sake of their voice being heard. There should be more conversations. There should be more open-mindedness, because that’s how understanding truly takes place. He obviously doesn’t understand and needs to be educated. The unfortunate thing is he probably never will. He kept running from the “discussion” he started. And I think that’s why most people in the world don’t understand. They aren’t shown how different degrees of downs affect different people’s lives. Again, I find that you guys willingness to be so open and honest about how you live and pursue your dreams is amazing. I think it’s what more people who are in your situation should do so that the world can understand and stop being afraid. You guys really do move me.
    I think the thought of having such a close relative with downs honestly frightens people. Maybe that’s where some of the close-mindedness comes from. It’s something they don’t want to think about. It’s the reason people aspire to move into good neighborhoods or live in different regions of the country. They just assume their house will never get broken into, or a tornado will never tear their home apart. They’ve done everything they need to do to protect themselves, so they don’t need to worry about it, and they don’t need to discuss the what-ifs. They can ignore any would be problems and go on with their lives. They want to be sympathetic to the problems of poorer neighbors and weather-torn neighbors, but never actually talk. Just donate money to make themselves feel better, which is just throwing money at it the problem. And was all know throwing money at a problem can fix it…
    You guys make your life seem so effortless. For as long as I’ve known you, and granted I’m not there all the time, it’s always seemed like the hardest part of Ponce’s “disability” (which he’s so happy, it’s unfair to call it that) is dealing with people who don’t know him. And a big thank you to your family for sharing Ponce with me, my family, and the world. He’s one of the most positive people in my life and can ALWAYS make me smile, even when he’s not trying. I think that’s an amazing testament to who your family is too. The fact that you guys are living your dream is also amazing. We love you!

  4. I know when I saw the footage you posted on youtube I could just tell how uncomfortable the guy had made Ponce – and I kept thinking, “Can’t this guy tell that he’s making Ponce uncomfortable?” You’re probably right, he was probably trying to impress someone, or make himself feel like he was doing something good (when he really wasn’t). And although I think some people may be right that he had “good intentions”, he was being a moron about it. Why be so violent about it? If he was truly concerned he could have simply asked, or just use the powers of observation. I think anyone who just took a few minutes to see you both interact could tell you guys have a very strong bond, and that you really care about each other. This guy seemed to just be wanting to pick a fight for whatever reason, and then realized what he’d gotten himself into and ran away.

    Hopefully that douche didn’t ruin Ponce’s birthday – and hopefully over time there’ll be less and less douche’s trying to interfere with both of your lives.

  5. adanryder says:

    I think he walked away and flicked you guys off because he thought you were saying Down Syndrome was the same as retardation. That’s why he was like “IT’S CALLED DOWN SYNDROME”

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