BEHIND THE FOAM… A deeper look at Ponceman’s Halloween Shotgun

SAP here…

Having a brother with Down Syndrome has affected my life on every level. The upside of these affects are the fact that the simple joys in life are more enjoyable when I experience them with Ponce. He makes me laugh harder than anyone on the planet. He makes me cry in the sweetest, most cathartic way a human should cry. He also frustrates the hell out of me at times, but that’s all part of the growth process for both of us. I’m learning to be more patient and get the perks of living with the most hilarious person on the planet, while Ponce continues to grow smarter, wiser, funnier, and also experiences things in life that a lot of us take for granted.

It’s what I call The Magic Straw Theory. Remember the first time you ever saw someone put their finger on the end of a straw and pick it up and the liquid inside STAYED IN THE STRAW!?!?! That was some mind blowing shit back then when we were kids. Then you realized that YOU, YOURSELF, had the magic power in your own fingertips to pick up the straw and keep the liquid in there, free to drop it anywhere you wanted to!?!!?!?!?! sure, later in life it becomes commonplace. Nothing new here. You’ve done the magic straw bit a thousand times, maybe more. The novelty wears off. We take it for granted.

But with Ponce, that simple act of keeping liquid in a straw by sealing your finger over the sippy part of it is always fucking awesome.  That’s the thing I try to keep alive in myself. I am still wowed by the magic straw, as small a miracle as it may seem to those who have move past the ages of 5 and 6, it’s still something that excites me because it encapsulates the wonders and joys that this life has to offer.

Which brings us behind the foam. Yes, the beer foam of Ponceman’s 1st shotgunning of a beer. Ponce is a social butterfly. He is a charmer, he is a constant entertainer, and he loves to make people laugh. He also loves to do all the Just One of the Guys things like hanging out, playing video games, and any of the other endless things friends do when they get together. The catch is, a lot of friends drink beer and booze. As Ponce says, he can’t drink alcohol because he becomes an asshole. Thank the mighty powers that be that Ponce is wise enough to see this in himself. I’ve lost too many friends who lacked this bit of self awareness.

Cameron Johnson Chugs A beer

So, how do you get to hang out with the boys and do one of the ultimate acts in guy-hangin’-out history, shotgunning a beer, when you can’t drink? Non-alcoholic beer. So simple, so cheap. You see, shotgunning a beer is not about the effects of the alcohol for guys. It’s about the process, puncturing the can, getting the hole the right size, and the speeds you can achieve sucking down the foamy goodness in a race with your buddies to see who can chug the fastest.

It’s pure, uncut, bonding. And Ponce dove into it headfirst, and chest first. He wears his first shotgunned beer like a badge of honor. And he went back for more. O’douls be praised, you’ve made Ponceman’s life a little more full, along with his belly. Watch the joy, the smiles, the fun that mighty Ponceman has with me and his friends in these little videos.

SAP out…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Chick hits on Ponce, Boyfriend hits on her face


Super Ponce Why are dudes so cool? Because they hit their women. It’s fun for everybody!  Who doesn’t like to see some guy (obviously small in the weiner department) punch his drunken, abuse enabling, girlfriend in the face?  Ponce, take it away…


It’s true. I was sitting at the bar and this crazy, drunk, kinda fat a little, female lady sat down next to me.  Her name was Carmen and she was crazy nuts.  She flirted with me and she pulled me into her arms and into her belly and I stared at her boobies.  And then she became Dennis Hopper from Blue Velvet and said, “MOMMY… MOMMY…Mommy won’t be mean to you. I’m never mean.”  And I liked it ’cause I saw her boobies and she was really flirting with me a lot.  Then she said, “It’s gonna be okay… it’s gonna be okay,” and I had no idea what she was talking about but I still saw her boobs and liked the flirting.  She gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then I gave her a kiss on the cheek and then this big jackass guy came up to me and said, “She has a boyfriend, man!”  And it was him.  He was really pissed and I was scared out of my pants and almost shit myself.  Then he yelled at her and went to the bathroom but then he turned around and punched her in the face.  Then bro made me go stand behind him with our friends and the guy got kicked out.  He was a really big asshole guy.  Take it away, bro…


All I could think about when the guy came up to Ponce and yelled, “She has a boyfriend, man!” in his face was… “I might actually kill this guy if he touches Ponce.”

Then I realized I would probably have to wait in line.  There were about 6 of our friends between me and the asshole guy.  Aside form them, there was a very big crowd of NEW FANS of Ponce who we didn’t know before we went into the bar, but they knew Ponce from the shows we do and a Ponceman Posse was born.  When the guy walked away I could tell that this happens with him and his girlfriend all the time.  That’s when he turned around and punched her in the face.  He bolted for the bathroom followed closely by Tim, the uber-cool doorman who led the pouty prick out the bar.

Once of the girls in Ponce’s new posse tried to comfort the girl and said, “Sweetie, you don’t need to be with a guy that hits you.”  The freshly punched girlfriend looked at her and screamed, “Fuck you!  Who the fuck do you think you are!?!  You don’t know me, bitch!” and was then led out of the bar by Tim.  She got in the car with her fistful of kisses dick-brain and they sped off… hopefully driving off a cliff and dying in a fireball of their sweet punchy love.

Lessons learned: Ponce is a chick magnet (duh), Chicks who let dudes punch them are crazy (double duh), and if anyone dares to mess with my brother they will most likely be torn apart within seconds.

It’s the old saying, a friend is someone who helps you move… A real friend is someone that helps you move a body.