Hollywood Drops the ball but has no balls

SAP here…

Again, I look at the line up of flicks Hollywood is pumping out and it’s all the SOS, that’s Same Ol’ Shit, they been excreting since they dropped into lazy land and decided the best way to make money is recycle things they already own, spend 30+ Million advertising it, and sheep (audiences) will pay to see it because they don’t know that other movies are actually out there.

The big shit sandwich here is that Hollywood could make good movies AND make original ones AND make money on them if they weren’t greedy fucking demons.

This is the only kind of reboot I'm interested in seeing.

Why are there no real leading men and women in Hollywood anymore? They would eventually have to pay them more.  They don’t want to be in the Lead Actor Gets 20 Million Per Movie business anymore.  They want to be in the Flavor Of the Month is Star of New Shitty Franchise That will Just Reboot/Reinvent itself IF/WHEN disposable new star is big enough to demand pay raise.

Go to imdb.com and see for yourself all the new old shit coming down the tubes. Remakes, Comic Books, Reboots, Sequels… and all of them are going to suck. I said it. I will give myself a 5% error factor here. Meaning if 100 movies come out of the Hollywood machine 5 of them might not totally suck

Raise a toast with me to changing the game. I vow to make a feature film that won’t suck, will be original, will honor great movies that deserve a nod, will have good acting, and won’t waste hundreds of millions of dollars justifying the salaries of talentless assholes. I’M TALKING TO YOU GREEN LANTERN! GI JOE 2… YOUR ASS IS ON MY LIST TOO! SUPERMAN REBOOT SUCK MY ASS! NEW SPIDERMAN??? LICK A TURD IN HELL. I’ll show you how it’s done. I’ll keep you informed as to my progress but by the gods I SHALL MAKE A FEATURE FILM THAT WILL NOT BE A LAZY MARKETING PLOY DESIGNED TO MAKE MORE PROFIT FROM MCDONALD’S MERCHANDISING DEALS THAN ACTUAL TICKET SALES!

Cross fingers fellow movie lovers, I’m heading to the director’s chair, guns ablazin’!

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I Vomit This Blog From My Soul

SAP here…

So the Clash of the Titans new trailer looks like a made for TV Sci-Fi channel movie. They spent $70,000,000 on it. Looks like it cost about $100,000.

Now you’d think I would be mad at Hollywood for raping itself and remaking/re-imagining all the movies it already owns for what is clearly motivated purely by profit. It’s the same reason I can’t fucking stand P Diddy. His “Every Breath You Take” was a hit… no shit. It was already a hit. Made by the Police. It’s a no brainer to churn out a different version of the same shit and have it be successful. I wouldn’t mind it so much if the studios and the P Diddys of the world would put a little effort into it to at least look like they were trying to make something good. But they don’t, and the CGI in the new Clash of the Titans trailer is screaming proof of this.

I am not mad at the studios. I AM, however, fucking pissed off at the movie going public for continually paying to see this crap. Everyone knows the Charlie’s Angels movies suck ass. But people still paid to see them. Everyone knew the re-imagining of Friday the 13th was gonna suck a turd in hell, and it did, and people still paid to see it. And I know that the masses will once again rise up and pay their ever rising ticket price to see the new Clash of the Titans.And it WILL suck.

There is something magical about the original COTT. Maybe it’s the chick-like hotness of Harry Hamlin, or Sir Lawrence Olivier slumming it in a 1981 B-movie, or the hope of seeing a glimpse of a Cassiopeioa titty. YES, Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion animation is 90% of the ooh in the COTT’s ooh lah lah.

The thing is, creating the world in the 1981 Clash of the Titans took effort. The Kracken was the most badass thing I had ever seen, regardless of whether or not I knew it was only 2 foot high in real life. The thing is… it EXISTED in real life. The CGI has gone crazy lazy and the COTT new-redo-poopoo is a big crappy testament to this. The Kracken is a ripoff of the one in the Pirates of the Carribean movie. Already no surprise there. Just a way to market it better. If they like the Kracken in Pirates let’s put it in COTT to get those people’s butt’s back in the seats.

Pirates of the Kracken-ribbean

The New Kracked out Kracken - Familiar mouth

The New Kracked out Kracken

Why does Hollywood continue to churn out shit they already own? Yes, part of the reason is because they already own it. They don’t need to pay for anything new. But the only reason that matters, the main reason, is because people keep paying to see the shit.

If you are one of the movie goers who continually shells out 10 bucks a pop to see remakes/re-imaginings of Hollywood classics then HURRY NOW! Send me 10 bucks and I will send you a video of the dump I took last night. It’s pretty much the same as the dump I took the night before and the night before that so you better ACT NOW!

Shame on you, you movie goer. Demand better movies by refusing to pay for the shitty ones.

FYI – Ponce can’t wait to see the new COTT. He has a hard on for crappy movies. But he’s learned to wait till they hit cable.