The Good News… teaser

SAP HERE ~

We’ve been busy. Or, I’ve been busy. Ponce has been taking a lil’ vacation. He met a girl, online, that he digs. They are gonna have some face to face time soon to see if there’s a love connection. Cross fingers. Ponce deserves some romance.

On the horizon, the things that I’ve been busy with…

  1. Mime Very Own Book – due to hit bookshelves Dec 2011. Stars Doug Jones with cameos by Ponce. Also a cameo or two from yours truly, Adam Mock (co-writer) and Eric Curtis (photographer extraordinaire) This book is hilariousness. Imagine the Far Side if every scenario had a Mime, and instead of a cartoon it was surreal photographs that captured both the real world and an artists brainstorm in each image.
  2. Fallen Superheroes – another book. From Eric Curtis’ brain cells, the notion is superheroes that suffer from the same troubles as every other human on the planet… but they are bulletproof… literally. Here’s some blurbage for you to salivate on…

    “Fallen Superheroes is a caricatured look at extraordinary everyday people through the visionary lens of professional photographer Eric Curtis. Using superheroes as the allegory, Curtis explores the not-so-glamorous and sometimes dark realities of those who strive to live their dreams against all odds. Curtis once again pairs his trademark imagery with the witty prose of Scott Allen Perry and Adam Mock (Mime Very Own Book), making Fallen Superheroes an eye-popping, gut-busting, esoteric commentary on the unique individuals who color our lives.”

  3. TOP SECRET FEATURE FILM – Can’t say much other than it’s a very funny horror movie. Doug Jones, Hanna Hall, and other cool peeps MIGHT be starring in it. I might be directing it, might have written it, and might have a lead role in it. Ponce might be in it too. It might be kicking into high gear and you might hear about it within the next 6 weeks.
    If all these mights line up right, this movie WILL kick ass.

That’s the teaser version of things. More to come as it unfolds.

If you are wondering about when we are going to have some new YouTube videos, the answer is I really don’t know. If it was easy to crank out videos, the quality we want to make, we’d do it all the time. Sadly, we do not have the resources to make that happen. We are not anywhere near the level as some of our YouTube friends who actually make a living making their videos. We just don’t have the subscribers. Without the views, without a sponsor, there’s just not really any money being generated from the videos we release, which means everything we do is completely out of pocket. So, I’ve been focusing on getting projects up and running that will pay the bills. Close to making that happen. In the meantime, YouTube will have to wait.

If you are interested in getting on the inside track for fan-only bonus content for Mime Very Own Book then click this: MimeMob.com

Stay tuned for wonderfulness.

-sap out

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Inglouriousouser BasTARDS goes up today!

UPDATE: Kevin & Bean played our “Inglouriousouser BasTARDS” trailer on their show today. It’s good to get a shout out.

We, the Perry Brothers, are spoof lovers. Now, when we say spoof. we are not talking about the spoofs of the last decade or so, like the Epic/Disaster/Not-Another-Teen/Lazy-Fucking-Film-making-Take-The-Money-To-The-Bank-Suckers kind of spoofs. Those represent some of the worst film making ever, and they do nothing but lower the standards of the movie-going patron.

When we talk spoofs, we mean the classic, well crafted works of comedic genius like Airplane, Top Secret, and such. These films represent the high end of making fun of shit/paying homage to stuff you really like in a fun way.

War is Hell... and Ponce Pitt is gonna stake you on a tour!

War is Hell... and Ponce Pitt is gonna stake you on a tour!

That said, we give you Inglouriousouser BasTARDS. We dig Tarantino and hope his new flick kicks much butt, but in case it falls short, we have made our own little version of the movie we’d like to see.

We will post a “Behind the Scenes” look at how we made this little cinematic treat along with some other tech info we get asked for frequently. In the meantime, kick back and enjoy Inglouriousouser BasTARDS and please pass it on to your friends and anyone you think might know Quentin Tarantino. We think he would love this.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS TRAILER WE SPOOF

And Enjoy ours here:

Can you tell which one is Ponce?
Can you tell which one is Ponce?

Rock on – The Perry Brothers

Friday Film Fantasy: The Taking of Ponceman 123

If you’re gonna remake a movie, make it with Ponceman. Then throw Cozmo onscreen with him and let the magic happen. Somebody make this movie!

TakingPonceman123

Want to get the inside scoop on the Perry Brothers? Join the Mingle Mob.

Art in the Age of the Non-Artist

The Entertainment Toilet

The Entertainment Toilet

Let’s face it, Music, Television, Cinema, and all forms of mainstream entertainment are in the crapper.

Why? Because they are marketable. And if something is marketable, the ones who pay for the marketing will do everything in their power to find the laziest, least expensive way to market it. Sadly, this practice translates into recycled, watered down versions of something that was once great.

We went from James Brown to Chris Brown. At least when brother James beat his woman I actually gave a shit whether or not he would pull himself back together and make things A-OKAY. Why? So he could get back to being the badass performer he was. The guy lived a long, amazing life, changed music and made it okay to say “I’m Black and I’m Proud”… and made it okay to say it loud!

That said, How has Chris Brown’s “art” helped our society? It’s pretty clear that he is nowhere near being a badass at anything except for being a tremendous disappointment. When the music you create sounds like everything else that’s currently popular, you’re not contributing, you’re just adding water to the gumbo. You are just another generic, replicable artist who clearly didn’t realize how lucky you were to be in your position. A position that will most likely enable you to star on HasBeen of Love or some other lame attempt at retaining some form of spotlight. And now Chris Brown is trying to salvage his post punch-the-woman-you-claim-to-be-in-love-with-in-the-face career by launching a new tour with ALL FEMALE MUSICIANS in his band. Is this some transparent, pathetic ploy to win over some semblance of a fanbase? I lean towards a YES. The utterly tragic thing is, with good marketing, it might actually work for him.

Parties and Expense Accounts FTW!

Parties and Expense Accounts FTW!

There was a time when record labels had real A&R people. Artists and Repertoire… These were the cats that went out and found new artists and signed them to their hot, happening record label. Talent scouts. The whole goal was to find some singer or band out there that was so good you just had to share them with the whole world. And, undoubtedly, this undeniable talent would rake in the cash when their audience found them. Now the goal is to hit SXSW for all the parties and max out the expense account like a mofo. Why bother going to a show when all the “artists” on your label have never played a live gig?

What happened to top radio? What happened to music?

I am going to play snitch here and pick on two main offenders who unknowingly destroyed the need for a performing artist to have actual “talent” while they were most likely just trying to have a good time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Poison and New Kids On the Block.

The Guilty Pleasures That Never Realized The Damage They Would Do

- The Guilty Pleasures That Never Realized The Damage They Could Do -

I admit, am not without sin. I sang along to tracks like Talk Dirty To Me and Every Rose Has Its Thorn. However, I never liked NKOTB. My sister did. She had every poster of every size, including an 8″x6″, life-size-New-Kids-and-their-New-Kid-crotches wall tapestry.

So what is it that’s so terrible about these bleepin’ bands that would make me so easily send them before the firing squad? Marketing.

NKOTB was an act put together for the simple act of making money. Producer Maurice Starr was not trying to create a band that would make songs that could change the world, he wanted to put together an act that would make the PHAT money. The recipe was simple in the ’80s:

  • Assemble a group of semi-talented teen boys
  • Teach them to dance (naughtiest moves you can get away with)
  • Dress them in whatever fashion is currently popular
  • Pay song writers and producers to create an easy to chew (hard to swallow) album
  • Watch the cash roll in.

That is, until the audience gets sick of them or they get too old to attract the teens. Then roll out your NSYNCS, Backstreet Boys, and so on. That’s how we ended up with the current atrocities we are plagued with like the Jonas Brothers and any other of the dozen whiny-white-boy bands that are in heavy rotation on top 40 radio. I will admit the NKOTB could dance and a couple of the guys seemed to be able to carry a tune, but the ones bands that have been created in their image don’t even have those basic skills.

And what was Poison’s main offense? They helped prove that you didn’t need real talent to sell records as long as the package was really pretty. All you need is a couple of catchy tunes, cute band members, specifically a lead singer and lead guitarist, and voila! Multi-Platinum success. Ricky Rocket, god bless him, was one of the worst “drummers” to ever attempt to beat the skins. Listen to Poison’s rendition of the Kiss classic I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night and you’ll hear the horror of his no-tempo chops. And CC Deville… I’ll just say god bless him too and leave it at that.

The record labels found a much lazier way to sell records than searching for new talent to market. In the 80’s world of Rock & Hair metal, these marketing wizards quickly realized that cute lead singers and virtuoso guitarists do not equal a great band. This formula could not magically produce hit songs, so the labels started assigning song writers to these bands to assure hit magic. Desmond Child is a nice example of the hired-gun songwriter. I will admit this cat has definitely written some good songs. However, it is pretty clear that you don’t write songs with Kiss and Aerosmith and then turn around to write songs for Cher and muthafuckin’ Michael Bolton without bullshitting one end of the spectrum. One of those two extremes is getting a real song-writer/artist in his element pouring his heart and soul into his work, and the other one is getting a dude who’s just picking up a paycheck. This kind of hired gun behavior tends to lead the hired-gun into forgetting about the whole artistry side of things all together and to simply focus on the collecting a paycheck side of things.

Oh My, The Irony of this Album's Title...

Oh My, The Irony of This Album's Title...

Speaking of Aerosmith, I’d like to point out that the hit single Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing from the hit box office movie/turd Armageddon still causes a sandwich I ate back in 1993 to come up and gurgle around in the back of my throat.

So how do you fix a bad band with cute members that can’t play worth a shit? You let real musicians play on the record. Ever see the band Jet live? Listen to the record, then listen to them live. Something does not add up.

Fortunately, Jet brings us to the issue of SHELF LIFE. The longer you keep a hit artist or band around the more money you will eventually have to pay them. So you just replace them with an equally marketable clone. Does anyone reading this blog actually even remember Jet? They were HUGE… for about 2 years. Most of the top 40 artists on the airwaves last about that long. My guess is these artists will all eventually segue into reality TV. Can’t wait for Lady GaGa of Love.

Brittany Spears, Jonas Brothers, and Hillary Duff are all little kids who were dressed up as whores to sell sex to other kids AND adults under the guise of artistry. They don’t write their own songs, they can’t sing worth a shit, and the “CDs” they have recorded will ultimately be forgotten. Want to create your own artist of this caliber in today’s market?

  • Find a cute kid, ATTEMPT to train them to dance
  • Teach them to lip sync.
  • Record their CD with studio musicians playing songs written by hired-guns.
  • (A) Auto-tune the living piss out of their voices or (B) Use real singers on the tracks so you have a polished product to sell
  • Parade your manufactured sex child around as the megastar brainchild behind the sub-turd CD that has their name on it
  • Watch the cash roll in.

The only thing you need is the money for the marketing and people will go for your product. Even if they know it sucks ass.

This is my jumping off point to the current state of CINEMA. How do you make people pay to see a movie they already know is gonna suck? Don’t give them any other options.

The only thing coming out of Hollywood today is movies based on TV shows, remakes, sequels, prequels, and the latest FULL OF SHIT LABELING HOLLYWOOD HAS BRAINWASHED AMERICA WITH… THE RE-IMAGINING. Right, the Re-Imagining of a title they already own the rights to so they don’t have to pay for an original idea that they might lose money on. Why spend the dough coming up with a smart marketing campaign for an original movie when you can just let a previous incarnation (eg. 1970’s Starskey and Hutch TV Series turned unwatchable piece of crap movie) be it’s own marketing. You don’t have to market something that’s already familiar to ticket buyers. They count on you to jump into the chipper with everyone else and swallow these filmed turds as quality entertainment. Seriously people! Transformers 2??? You paid to see that shit?

Our society is being dumbed down and trained to accept lazy, half-assed crap as viable entertainment. I’ve heard many people say things like “It was better than most of the other crap that’s out there, so by comparison it was good.” If your choice is between a cancerous tumor the size of a golf ball or one the size of a grapefruit, it doesn’t matter which one you choose. You still end up with a cancerous tumor! Here’s a little fact… if you don’t pay to see the new G.I. Joe Movie they won’t make another one. But you have to commit to NOT PAYING TO SEE IT. And when indie films are mostly limited to Los Angeles, New York and a handful of other markets, it’s hard for most of moviegoing America to NOT pay to see a bad movie.

Case and point, the 2003 Hulk movie directed by Ang Lee is one of the worst cinematic puke fests I’ve ever scene. It is dumbfoundingly terrible. But people still paid to see it. EVEN AFTER THEIR FRIENDS TOLD THEM IT WAS TERRIBLE. So, what happened? Everybody knew the film was a big piece of flaming tick-shit, but it still made over 137 million dollars in theatres. And you can double that figure for DVD sales. That’s real money that was made on a giant green turd. But people paid to see it because it was marketed to death.

Both of these films made over 130 million dollars

Both of these films made over 130 million dollars

Which brings us to 2008 and a new Incredible Hulk movie that story-wise completely ignores the fact that only 5 years prior the Ang Lee Hulk was made. And this new Incredible Hulk, Edward Norton as Bruce Banner, Liv Tyler as hottie/hero love interest still sucked. Sure, I will easily admit that it wasn’t as bad as the other Hulk movie… but it was still fucking BAD. Cancerous golf balls can kill you!

And what has been killed? Quality. Talent. Artistry. All victims of our cultural demise. When you go to the Sundance film festival and the biggest, most newsworthy celebrity siting is Paris Hilton you know that culturally we’ve gone terribly wrong. Celebrities used to have to earn their fame and respect by being talented. All the flash in the pan, one-hit-wonders that have always been a part of this world used to just fade away. The truly talented always endured. The Bay City Rollers are now a trivia question, or at most, a guilty pleasure. But Paris Hilton? We will be plagued with her existence forever. Why? Because we fucking pay attention to her. The talentless celebrity trainwreck is fun to watch. And between the internet, the media, and reality TV we can watch these trainwrecks 24/7.

If I’m lucky enough to see a live band today who actually plays their own instruments with the talent and conviction a true musician should, I am left shellshocked. Why has seeing real music played by real artists become such a rarity? When you pay to see a comedy why are you blown away when it’s actually funny? Because the bar is so fucking low now anything that registers slightly above mediocre is now considered amazing. How pathetic is it that Hannah Montana is a measure of what passes for good writing/good music/good entertainment today? It makes me miss The Monkees. At least the Monkees could really sing and dance and knew how to make with the funny.

The New Monkees 1987

The New Monkees 1987

I fear that when the powers that be make the New-New Monkees (that’s right, they already made The New Monkees in ’87) the show stopping talent of its members will be the ability to lip sync really awesome to pre-recorded computer made music and to each do one (and only one) hella-cool dance move. The tragedy is, if they market it, people will watch. Just gotta keep lowering the bar until people don’t know what entertainment is anymore.

So why the concern on my part? Because entertainment… Music, Movies, Television… is what I live for.  Aside from my family and friends they are the main things I enjoy in life. And I have found myself trying to break through to the mainstream, where the real money is, for my entire adult life.  so what do you do when you realize that you are smack dab in the middle of a business you detest? When all you want to do is make movies, music, and TV shows that don’t suck but the only opportunities out there require you to sell out and make something you know will be CRAP, what the hell do you do?

whitewall2We, the Perry Brothers, SAP and the mighty Ponceman, will not dumb things down. If we make a fart joke, rest assured that it will be a fart joke of the highest quality. If we make a feature it will be one that we WANT to make and not one producers sell us on based on its “marketability”. Creating “art” is the only thing that keeps us going. If the only option for success in the entertainment world is to create crap we’ll leave the entertainment world and create a world of our own where we can create our “art” without sucking the quality and soul out it for “marketability”. We’d rather raise the standards of what passes as entertainment and, hopefully, let the talentless celbrities, musicless bands, and recycled Hollywood dogshit do what it used to do… just fade away.

Tiny Bald Yellow People Sex

So where did your mind go when you read the title of this blog. Did you think sexist, racist, size-ist, folicle-ist thoughts? I can assure you that this blog pertains to exactly what is stated in the title… Tiny Bald Yellow People Sex.

This is how it starts...

This is how it begins...

When action figures/toy people are left lying about, especially at a party, you can almost guarantee they will be put into various sex positions at some point. You can definitely guarantee that cell phone pics will be taken of these toy people sex acts once they begin. And, obviously, some jackass will take those cell pics and make a friggin’ blog about the whole thing.

It always starts innocent enough. Just bring the little toy people to a party, in this case, Dirty Jenny’s B-day party at Laurel Tavern. Take one big bag of Tiny Bald Yellow People, party store purchase, super cheap, and spread them out all over the official party table. Then wait for the fun to start.

Standard foreplay

Standard foreplay

Vertical 69

Vertical 69

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl

When you’ve transitioned from one-on-one foreplay into the “doin’ it” phase, in this case, oral-to-Reverse Cowgirl, you will find things liven up significantly when the GROUP option takes over.  Turn your toy person sex into a 4-way and watch the action explode.

Standard 4-way

Standard 4-way

This is called the "Mechanic"

This is called “the Mechanic”

Once “the Mechanic” shows up, it’s only a matter of seconds before an all out orgy is in full swing. That’s when you start getting artsy with your camera technique.

70s Style

70s Style

Notice the nice lighting... all iphones

Notice the uber-sexy lighting.

Standard Overhead (and tail) shot

Standard Overhead (and tail) shot

Gratuitous Close Up

Gratuitous Close Up

The Low Angle... notice the human onlooker

The Low Angle... notice the human onlooker in shadow

Once you've all seen each other, just join in.

If you've already made eye contact, just join in.

Beware the gigantic Ponce-Tongue... Saliva galore

Beware the gigantic Ponce-Tongue... Saliva galore

From Barbie Dolls to Tiny Bald Yellow People, human nature dictates one simple fact… There Will Be Humping!

Click here to see High Quality/Bonus Tiny Yellow People Sex pics.

Friday Film Fantasy: SAPPED In The Closet 69-198

No one other than R. Kelly could have created the unintentional hilarity found in his accidental masterpiece Trapped In The Closet … the irony here is gigantic. He did plan on TITC being a masterpiece, a brilliant, multi-layered work of art. But not for the reasons it is exactly that. It is indeed the Plan 9 From Outer Space of the Hip-Hop/Self-Proclaimed Genius world.

With that in mind I offer the sure-to-be-an-instant-classic-laugh-your-ass-off-at-the-clueless-self-pretention-that-is-manifest-to-the-uber-degree-in-its-creator’s-work-of-wonder that shall be known as SAPPED In The Closet: 69-198should anyone decide to pay me to make it.

Genius Always New He Was Won

This Genius Always New He Was Won...

Starring (L to R & T to B) Chad Galster, Rain Scott, SAP, Josh “The Ponceman” Perry, Valerie Levitt, Brett Halsey, Valerie Querns, Roy Lim.

Friday Film Fantasy: Octomom 2

Octomom 2… Resistance is Fertile!

Childbirth is the most horrifying thing out there. Why do you think The Omen and The Bad Seed were such big hits?

And as far as horror home-runs go, this one is both a sequel and an algebra pun… Octomom 2 (squared) hence the double Octomom belly.

Somebody make this movie!

Dropping Placentas everywhere this Fall!!!

Dropping Placentas everywhere this Fall!!!